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Columns
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Saturday, May 17, 2008, 3:00 AM
Summer can be the cruelest months By Dave DiFilippo | Community Columnist Summer will soon be upon us, and I find myself once again having mixed emotions regarding its arrival. For me summer boils down to this; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let's start with the good ... There is one truly wonderful thing which comes about in summer. Actually there are two things: one, you won't be cold for a few months, and two; fresh garden vegetables. Specifically ... tomatoes; magnificent, juicy, mouth watering, "we're havin' tomato sandwiches for supper" -- tomatoes! Most folks who share my passion for these marvelous fruits grow their own. It pains me to admit that the fruits of my garden labor have almost always ended up on the compost pile, and rarely between two slices of bread. In an attempt to cultivate a "green thumb," I considered asking the guy from Miracle Grow to inspect my last garden. I envisioned him after the tour, shaking his head, and then patting my shoulder, before driving off into the scorching heat of another summer day. Thank goodness for the roadside stand. Let's talk about the bad stuff, starting with the basics: heat! Living through summers in the Old North State reminds me of being in a foundry, when the workers are pouring steel ingots. This is just my opinion, but when you get ready to go to sleep and the weatherman says: "Tonight's low will be 91, with 98 percent humidity," folks, that's nasty, sticky, steel foundry hot! Summer's heat can also be dangerous. Heat strokes, sunburns, and serious dehydration come to mind. Has anyone besides me left a skin graft on their vehicle's steering wheel, on one of those "you might die-ozone/heat index warning days" in August? I got in my truck a few summers ago, as my seat's vinyl molecules were transitioning into a gaseous state, right before my eyes! I began to cough, until flames finally shot out of my nostrils, which scorched the tops of my hands, forcing me to rip them from the steering wheel, leaving the graft from both palms smoldering. Hanging 17 "new car smell" air freshener tags from my rear view mirror failed to eliminate the unique aroma of burned human flesh and vinyl from the interior of my truck. The doctor said my nasal passages should heal by fall, my favorite season. Many people go to the hottest place available come summer ... the beach. I have actually done this. No really, I have. Of course I was forced. I knew the beach would not be my cup of tea, when I spotted the refreshment stands, and noticed the I.V. fluid replacement vendor, to the left of the hot dog vendor. When I got back to Wilson, I asked my doctor to order a brain scan, as I was certain I either had suffered an injury, or I had one prior to arriving at hell's seaside verandah. A trip to the beach in the summer makes one thing abundantly clear; it is a people-watchers' paradise. There are few places on the planet where humans go and wear as little clothing as is possible in order to endure, or as may be the case, enjoy the heat of summer, as they do at the beach. This leads us to the "ugly" part of summer. If you need to count your fingers and your toes, to determine what size Speedo, or thong bikini you require -- please, put it down, and buy some beach attire that will not horrify everyone present ... except you. Well off you go, enjoy the summer. I'm off to find some tomatoes. DAVE DIFILIPPO IS A MICHIGAN NATIVE WHO HAS LIVED IN WILSON FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS.
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