Country grammar and a few pet peeves

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Here are some new items for you to ponder.

Slang terms

• As related to overeating — Pig out, eat like a pig, about to pop, snarf down, gorge, wolf down, eat like a horse, full as a tick, chow down and stuffed to the gills.

• Fixin’ to — Whenever you are “fixin’ to” do something, it means you are getting ready to do a thing and preparing yourself for whatever task, large or small, lies ahead.

“I’m fixin’ to go to the store” means “I’m getting ready to go to the store.”

Technically, the term “fixin’ to” does not imply a specific time frame and depends on each particular situation.

Fixin’ to go to the toilet, for instance, could mean almost immediately, while fixin’ to go shopping could mean several hours away, yet both terms are valid.

• Studyin’, as in “I ain’t studyin’ you” — Best translation might be something like “no one, especially me, is paying attention to anything you are doing or saying.”

• Hissy fit — As defined in Wikipedia, a hissy fit is “an emotional outburst, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, violence, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and in some cases hitting and other physically violent behavior.”

Sounds serious, don’t it?

“Physical control may be lost; the person may be unable to remain still. Even if the ‘goal’ of the person is met, he or she may not be calmed.”

For language purists, one does not have a hissy fit but instead “pitches” a hissy fit.

• Running around like a chicken with his head cut off — From the Google dictionary, it means “In a frenzied manner, distractedly, crazily. This term alludes to the fact the body of a chicken whose head has been cut off sometimes totters about crazily before succumbing.”

• Nary bit or errie bit — Nary can be translated as “not a single bit” or “none,” while errie means any or at all.

Pet peeves

• Finding your morning newspaper in a puddle of water, soaked beyond recognition, even worse when you are looking forward to a specific article or maybe the weekly batch of money-saving coupons.

• While there is not much to watch on television, I still occasionally like to sit down in front of the tube and work in a meal assisted by my TV tray.

My appetite becomes deflated, however, when in the course of trying to dine they show a commercial devoted to something appetizing like anal leakage, skin rash or the “Dr. Pimple Popper” show.

I kid you not, such a show does exist.

• Biting my tongue or the inside of my mouth when eating.

• Leaving a bag of groceries that you paid for at the grocery store and not realizing it until several hours later, long after the receipt and original shopping list has long been thrown away.

• Purchasing an item and learning the same item went on sale and the price went down only minutes after you bought yours. Even worse when the difference in price is $100 or more.

• Grocery store shopping carts stuck together as if they have been welded to each other and requiring yanking unmercifully to get one.

• Soy sauce packets like those included with Chinese takeout dinners. These little devils should be outlawed.

They are not designed to open easily, if at all, and whether I use scissors, a knife or my teeth, I usually succeed in getting soy sauce all over tarnation (to borrow a term from my daddy).

Keith Barnes, a Wilson storyteller and author, is a reporter for the Johnstonian News, a Wilson Times Co. newspaper. Email him at kbarnes.jhn@wilsontimes.com.