Healthy relationships require patience, endurance

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We live in what I call the microwave era. Food can be ordered and served in minutes. The internet allows us to access information in seconds, as compared to the hours or days it would take searching through encyclopedias and journals.

It seems as if there is some way to expedite everything that we need to do.

Now, I’m a huge fan of being able to prepare meals quickly; a huge fan of not having to go and search through old encyclopedias for information. I love instant gratification as much as anyone else. But when it comes to people, this just doesn’t work.

As a counselor, husband, father and minister, I encounter, daily, situations that will not and cannot be changed overnight. Why? Because people are not quick fixes. It sounds obvious, but as evidenced by the lack of patience we show in our relationships with people, that fact lacks absolute acceptance. I see too many relationships fail simply due to a deficiency in patience; failed marriages, failed counselor and client relationships, and even between spiritual leaders and their constituencies.

As someone who’s written a book on marriage, I would like to use that relationship as a standard for all others. We know the patience that a marriage requires. We know the endurance a marriage requires. We know that this is a daily task making a marriage work. Now use that as a standard for these other relationships. They all require patience. They all require work. And if for some strange reason we believe that some words or good deeds spoken or performed in a moment will change a person immediately, we have been negatively affected by modern convenience.

We have to get back to a place where we give each other the time to grow. This will only strengthen relationships. Those strengthened relationships, built on patience and a true desire to see growth, will strengthen individuals, homes and communities. Be OK with putting in the time. People are worth it.

We all grow into the people we become. We’re not them yet.

Far’d Wilkins